Computer SMS

→ IT guy – (Asks worker) What do you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker – …….stays * quite*
IT guy – I have Money, Name, Stock Options What do
you have?
Daily Wage Construction Worker – (Softly) I have work.

→ Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

→ A computer does not substitute for judgment any more than a pencil substitutes for literacy. But writing without a pencil is no particular advantage.

→ If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in.

→ A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

→ To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

→ Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.

→ Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.

→ A graphic representation of data abstracted from the banks of every computer in the human system. Unthinkable complexity. Lines of light ranged in the nonspace of the mind, clusters and constellations of data. Like city lights, receding.

→ Computers, huh? I've heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes.... I don't know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys.

→ Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is.

→ A final word: I am not knowledgeable about the internet. I do not have a computer. I guess that at 74 years of age, I don't have the patience to learn.

→ As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.

→ If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

→ A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

→ Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.

→ Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.

→ All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness.

→ And so every one of us in the FBI, I don't care if it's a file clerk someplace or an agent there or a computer specialist, understands that our main mission is to protect the public from another September 11, another terrorist attack.

→ Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

→ And then you start getting into the technical side of it and the aesthetic side and with those areas you can come up with new ways to visualise things, new ways to render and use the computer to make things look different and new and stuff like that.

→ There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network.

→ Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

→ Information technology and business are becoming inextricably interwoven. I don't think anybody can talk meaningfully about one without the talking about the other.

→ There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It's a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you 'play' with them!

→ Computers must be male. As soon as you commit to one you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the day.

→ Software is like entropy: It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics; i.e., it always increases.