Jokes Messages
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☻When the
apple is green and ready to pluck. When
a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck! |
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☻The 3 wonders
of a woman 1*give milk without eating
grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed
for a week without going 2 die |
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☻No Boys! No
Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids,
no School. No School, no problems! Why
Boys?? |
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☻After the
party - mum, I am not drunk, I can lay
on the flour without holding on |
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☻A girl phoned
me the other day and said...Come on
over, there is nobody home. I went over.
Nobody was home. |
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☻I love you in
the mornig, I love you in the evening,
but most of all, I love you when you are
leaving |
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☻No men, no
love, No love, no sex, No sex, no
childeren, No childeren, no school, No
school, no homework, No homework, no
problems!
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☻NEWS FLASH
snow white has been thrown out
disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat
on pinnochios face & shouted lie u
bastard, lie, lie! |
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☻What's the
difference between your job and your
wife? Your job still sucks after five
years! |
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☻If you want
SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't
forget DUREX!!! |
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☻If you think
fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the
money |
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☻When I was a
dog, and you were a flower, I walked
over you and gave you a shower!! |
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☻Computers are
machines to help you solve problems you
wouldn't have if you didn't have a
computer. |
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☻The average
woman would rather have beauty than
brains, because the average man can see
better than he can think. |
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☻If you have
no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no
legs: RUN......... If you have no hope:
INVENT… |
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☻When I was a
baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady
and I play with boys!! |
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☻Man: I would
really like to get into your pants.
Woman: No thanks. There's already one
asshole in there. |
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☻A man was
dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad
why do you keepon telling everyone that
your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that
when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom |
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☻Kill one
you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a
serial murderer, kill them all, you're
GOD. |
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☻The first day
we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I
know better, so I will write it in my
letter. In my bed I've seen so many
faces, so I'll fuck you at different
places. |
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☻Text
messaging is like a blow-job off an
amateur prostitute; short...sweet and
always cheap!!! |
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☻Love your
neighbour, but don't get caught. |
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☻To wake up in
the morning and always see the sun no
matter the weather, I'm glad the day has
begun. |
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☻I
hate it when you leave, but I would like to
see you go.
☻When do you know a woman is
going to say something interesting ? .... When
she starts with "My husband said..."
☻One chicken to an other:
are you tokkin' to me?
☻Man says to his wife : Let
me take a picture of your breasts, than I can
always look at them. Wife : Let me take a
picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
☻A blond woman picks up a
100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one?
...................... stupid of course, there
are no others
☻What's the difference
between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs
say stop.
☻When god created the men he
was only kidding
☻Why does a stupid blond
woman sneak past the pharmacy?
................. She does not want to wake
the sleeping tablets!
☻Dear God, I will keep it
brief otherwise they will steal my dinner.
AMEN
☻When you harrass a boy, pull
his pants down and your skirt up, because you
can run faster with your skirt up than he with
his pants down.
☻There are three girls in the
sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who
has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond
because she already reached the age of 20!!!
☻If I'd had a face like
yours, I'd sue my parents !
☻How to keep an idiot
entertained *press down* ...................
.................... How to keep an idiot
entertained *press up*
☻Can I have your picture?
......... I save natural disasters
☻Of course... If you want
something there is always a way to get there.
Unfortunately on my way there are road works.
☻You wanna come to my place
for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you
like pizza?!
☻Why is a woman 20.000 $
worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk
factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a
sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of
mayonnaise
☻Bigamy..............What is
the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two
mothers-in-law !
☻What does it say on the
wrapping of the Morning-after pil???
......first some screwing before use
☻Farmer seeks woman with
tractor. Please add photo of tractor.
☻Do you think I can live for
another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ...
No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit
the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to
live another fourty years?
☻Dialogue between 2
undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead
period?"
☻There are numerous
restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it
does not help a bit. There are more every day.
☻Do you believe that getting
married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of
course, why would Friday be an exception?"
☻Can I go to the theatre? Asks
a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware,
pay attention during the applause."
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