One Liners
☻Gorgeous,
intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty,
hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How
are you?
☻Hard
work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
☻How
do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press
up...Press Down...!
☻***NEWSFLASH***
Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100
tampons for £1
... No Strings attached
...but for a limited period ONLY!
...A bloody good deal!
☻Pleas
turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H
☻FRIEND
SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration
complete, now searching.....still
searching....still searching......sorry, no
friends found.
☻Hw
do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.
☻Press
down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh
yes....almost there....oh god
harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's
how I sex on text!
☻Ths
msg cn only b read by a SEXY person -
Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey,
i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!
☻I
once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me
till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face
went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her
Nokias!
☻Girls
are like phones. We love to be held, talked too
but if you press the wrong button you'll be
disconnected!
☻HELP:
Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy
and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?
☻This
is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out
you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put
it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you
☻Q:
How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a
blonde?
A:
There is a stamp on it.
☻A
husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone
☻Why'd
they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was
already taken!
☻I
went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door
says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign
down next time ok!
☻Your
birth certificate is an apology letter from the
condom factory.
☻Out
of my mind. Back in five minutes.
☻Always
remember you're unique - just like everyone
else.
☻I
heard you took an IQ test and they said you're
results were negative.
☻How
many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went
home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.
☻Don't
feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was
ugly too...
☻U
got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U
got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong
number...SORRY :)
☻I
need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I
need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need
YOU!
☻On
the cellphone pad of life, always keep one
finger on the disconnect key.
☻The
first half of our lives is ruined by our
parents, and the second half by our children.
☻Nope.....u
still ugly!
☻Y
did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to
be a smarty.
☻What
u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call
him, he ain't gonna come.
☻Bride's
Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED
ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note
back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS
BROKEN.'
☻Girls
think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy.
But hey, no worries - I sure science will come
up with somin to help u.
☻I
think it is time I tell you what people are
saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.
☻How
to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment
her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to
her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.
☻How
do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message
until it goes away!
☻It's
better to let someone think you are an Idiot
than to open your mouth and prove it.
☻Whats
the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!
☻I
get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
☻You
are here: X
☻Hickory
Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me c**k, da
clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her
at da end of da block.
☻In
Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob
- So that's the only shop you can go into and
ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car
cuz it's too heavy.
☻Crime
doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻Jesus
loves you...everyone else thinks you're an
asshole!
☻Inflexibility
is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
☻Q:
Why did the blond get fired from the banana
plantation?
A:
Because she threw out all the bent ones.
☻What
did the bartender say to the jumper cables when
they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start
anything.
☻Am
I getting smart with you? ....How would you
know?
☻Bud,
what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime
i get operator sayin 'Sorry, The Subscriber U R
Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.'
☻Bloke
calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm
sick"
Boss asks: "How sick are u?"
Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is
that???"
☻Love
is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and
lets play that game!
☻Roses
are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and
all that's between!
☻I
like your style, you got sheer class, but babe,
my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!
☻Hey,
there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex,
phone-sex, speedy-sex, crazy-sex and for people
wid ur face - NO SEX!
☻When
an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a
girl is sixteen she's ready to ..WOOPS...wrong
number....
☻U
good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur
cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!
☻Yes,
this is my pickup. No, I will not help you
move.
☻Sorry,
I don't date outside my species.
☻Important
Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both
sides.
☻I've
got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say
we tie up for the night?
☻If
I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I
together.
☻I
might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and
check.
☻The
secret to success is knowing who to blame for
your failures.
☻There
are no personal problems which cannot be solved
through suitable application of high
explosives.
☻Just
because you're smart does not mean that the
other guy is stupid.
☻You
may be recognized soon. Hide.
☻Please,
Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery
won't spoil me.
☻He
who laughs last thinks slowest.
☻Mercedes
Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual
arousal in women.
☻I
pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
☻Is
somebody not editing what I'm saying here???
☻Someday,
we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and
change the subject.
☻If
at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence
that you tried.
☻You
worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are
not paid enough to worry.
☻My
mom never saw the irony in calling me a
son-of-a-bitch
☻If
you haven't got anything nice to say about
anybody, come sit next to me
☻Mind
intentionally left blank...
☻I
don't have an attitude problem. You have a
perception problem
☻Beer
is proof that God loves us and wants us to be
happy.
☻Nostalgia
ain't what it used to be.
☻If
I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
☻Right
now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same
time - I think I've forgotten this before.
☻If
practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect,
why practice?
☻The
best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast
plate open.
☻It
was an accident officer. I was cleaning my
fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran
into me. Backwards. 17 times.
☻Born
Free........Taxed to Death.
☻We
will now upgrade your brain, please
wait...searching...searching...still
searching...sorry NO BRAIN found
☻I
remind u that the most powerful force in the
universe is sms gossip.
☻Just
reminding u there is a very fine line between
hobby and mental illness.
☻My
girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter
what she's reading.
☻Hi
- I am a virus and am entering your brain right
now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find
brain...leaving now...
☻Note
- The key to a good relationship is the key.
Give me back the key.
☻What
are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men
everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
☻Remember:
Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross
the river.
☻Celibacy
is not hereditary
☻Familiarity
breeds children
☻Life
is sexually transmitted
☻We
do precision guesswork
☻Born
free . . . Taxed to death
☻If
it's too loud, you're too old
☻Common
sense isn't common
☻Nothing
succeeds like excess
☻Do
pilots take crash-courses?
☻If
it ain't broke, fix it until it is
☻The
older I get, the older old is
☻Relax,
its only Ones and Zeros
☻A
closed mouth gathers no feet
☻Do
witches run spell checkers?
☻I
don't get even . . . . . I get odder
☻Allow
me to introduce my selves
☻A
feature is a bug with seniority
☻If
I throw a stick, will you leave?
☻Justice:
A decision in your favor
☻Strip
mining prevents forest fires
☻A
waist is a terrible thing to mind
☻Do
not disturb. Already disturbed
☻Who
lit the fuse on your tampon?
☻Today's
subliminal message is . . .
☻Demons
are a Ghouls best Friend
☻Out
of my mind. Back in five minutes.
☻Born
Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
☻Conserve
toilet paper, use both sides.
☻I
get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
☻Sorry,
I don't date outside my species.
☻Hard
work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off
NOW!
☻First
the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then
the suffering.
☻Always
remember you're unique, just like everyone
else.
☻Kiss
my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it
quick.
☻Bad
sex is better then a good day in school.
☻Am
I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
☻Apart
from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
☻Fuck
Me...are those real?
☻Be
unique and different, just say yes.
☻Can
I flirt with you?
☻Damn
girl, you have more curves than a race track.
☻Do
you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is
really kickin.
☻Excuse
me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body
Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you
to assume the position.
☻Umh,
that's a nice set of legs, what time do they
open?
☻Darling,
I'm new in this town - dya think I could have
directions to your house.
☻I
hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!
☻I've
got the ship, you've got the harbour ... what
say we tie up for the night?
☻I've
just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
☻If
you don't wanna have kids with me, then why
don't we just practice?
☻Screw
me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
☻That
outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next
to my bed.
☻Were
you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to
look that good.
☻A
hangover is the wrath of grapes
☻Everyone
is entitled to my opinion
☻If
it ain't chocolate, it ain't dessert
☻I
don't work here. I'm a consultant
☻Out
of Body. Back in Five Minutes
☻The
best things in life aren't things
☻I
like feminists; I think they're cute
☻I'm
not your type. I'm not inflatable
☻Does
killing time damage eternity?
☻How
can there be self-help groups?
☻"Criminal
Lawyer" is a redundancy
☻BIGAMIST
--- A heavy fog in Italy
☻Have
a nice day. . . somewhere else
☻Guilt
-- the gift that keeps on giving
☻Exceptions
always outnumber rules
☻Adults
are just kids who owe money
☻All
stressed out and no one to choke
☻Constipated
people don't give a crap
☻I
may not be perfect, but I'm all I got
☻Where
there's a will, I want to be in it
☻Anything
not nailed down is a cat toy
☻Never
miss a good chance to shut up
☻All
computers wait at the same speed
☻Beauty
is in the eye of the beer holder
☻How
do you get off a non-stop flight?
☻How
come night falls but day breaks?
☻How
do I set the laser printer to stun?
☻If
we quit voting will they all go away?
☻Is
it time for your medication or mine?
☻INSTANT
HUMAN (Just Add Coffee)
☻I'm
not getting older...I'm getting bitter
☻When
all else fails manipulate the data
☻I'm
as confused as a termite in a yo-yo
☻Insanity
is my only means of relaxation
☻No
guts, no glory, no brain, same story
☻Hi-ho,
hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw
☻I'm
not tense, just terribly, terribly alert
☻I
don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier
☻When
money talks, the criminal walks
SMS Jokes
SMS Jokes Index
SMS
Messages
SMS Messages Index
Explore funSMS.net
Explore Kify
Network
Kify Ringtones Shop - Download Ringtones,
Logos, Wallpapers, Screensavers, Picture
Messages, Themes, Animated Avatars, Games,
Videos. Service available in more than 50
countries.
Kify Domains - Get a new domain name,
transfer or renewal for just $1.99 with each and
every new, non-domain product you buy. Includes FREE Hosting, Free
Quick Blog, Free Complete Email and much more!
Kify Shopping -
Shopping made easy. Send
gifts to India
and also
Globally. A
one-stop online shopping mall for Mobile Phones,
Jewelry, Cakes, Electronics, Apparels, Gifts,
Chocolates, Flowers, Magazines, Kids Stuff,
Kitchen Appliances, Cosmetics, Handicrafts,
Games and much more!
Kify Web Hosting - Reliable and Affordable
Web Hosting plans starting from $3.95/month (5GB
Disk Space and 250GB Bandwidth).
Kify Mail - Its Free, Fast, Secure, Private,
Permanent, Globally Accessible & Spam-Free.
Kify - Complete Website Solutions and
Internet Portal.
Free Screensavers and Wallpapers Directory - All
Free and hundreds to choose from!
Doctor Forums - Online News and Discussion Forums for
an Independent Doctor.
Copyright © 2006
funSMS .NET All rights
reserved.
| 
