→ I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you, you do not have to say yes, just smile to me!
 

→ I think I have BSE on my penis ...... all women who experienced it go crazy !
 

→ Eva stood in the river washing her cunt when God comes running to her and shouts: EVA EVA STOP, I WON'T GET THE SMELL OF THE FISH.
 

→ Do you know why a waterbed needs to be filled with seawater?...For the mussels need to be able to open.
 

→ Screw calmly and without worries, if you do not come today, it may happen tomorrow !
 

→ Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth.
 

→ The boy puts his information in her communication and together they make population!
 

→ What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper and a woman? ... When they are wet, they do not squeak any more!
 

→ The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed.Today I'll know better,so I'll write it in my letter.In my bed I've seen so many faces,so I'll fuck you at different places
 

→ Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money!If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!!!
 

→ What is de maximum speed during sex? .... 68, because at 69 you go overturn!
 

→ A good neighbour is better dan an inflatable doll !
 

→ God created the world in SIX days But it took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. *
 

→ Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!
 

→ What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off ...
 

→ Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy!
 

→ Are these your eyes? I found them between my brests!
 

→ Sex is like Nike, just do it.
 

→ Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.
 

→ How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise??
 

→ When I was born I got the choice, or a major dick, or a fine memory. I am not able to remember what I did choose.
 

→ Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love...
 

→ Do you know why smurfs always laugh? Because the grass always tickles their little balls!
 

→ What is the difference between a man and a dildo?......... A man is a REAL PRICK!!!!
 

→ Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
 

→ The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAFE-SEX.
Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive.
 

→ If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!
 

→ Sex is good for your stomach muscles and much more fun than fitness
 

→ The difference between erotic and perverted:
Erotic = caress the vagina with a beautiful white whisp
Perverted = do the same thing with a whole chicken.
 

→ A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? .....He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you dissappear.....
 

→ What did Eva shout when she wanted to have SEX ?? ............. ADAM WHERE ARE YOU !!
 

→ you do not have to be good to be the best as long as you are better than all the rest!!
 

→ What does position 68 mean........You are doing me and I owe you one!!
 

→ Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
 

→ A peach is a peach,a plum is a plum,A kiss ain't a kiss without some tongue.So open up your mouth and close you eyes and give your tongue some exercises!!
 

→ Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back...
 

→ What you never want to hear while having good sex?? ............. "Honey, I am home!"
 

→ There is: Hot-Sex, Fast-Sex, Safe-Sex, Group-Sex, Leather-Sex, Telephone-Sex, Cyber-Sex, and for people with your face: "No-Sex"!
 

→ Why does a woman have two pair of lips?................... One is for fighting and one is to make up.
 

→ What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom?................ They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet

 

→ If you cry, I cry...if you laugh, I laugh...if you are happy, I am too...if you are sad, I am too...and if you are horny, call me.
 

→ American students say:.....people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand
 

→ sex is like nokia (connecting people) like nike (just do it) like pepsi (ask for more) and like samsung (everybody is invited)
 

→ A woman is like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you.
 

→ Zwaai uw tieten in het rond, schuur je clitoris op de grond, stop 4 vingers in je kut, ram die kittelaar tot frut, bevredig je met een gans, dit is de mastrubatiedans.
 

→ Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh......ohh......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good!
mmmm ......................That's how we sex on text.
 

→ Message from you provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation.
 

→ The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 4 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling.
 

→ Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed in your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it because you're smiling now!!
 

→ I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!
 

→ Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler !
 

→ By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary.
 

→ Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.
 

→ Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between
 

→ Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message!
 

→ Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman's destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration
 

→ SEX is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game.

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
22. The younger the better.
23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
26. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
27. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
28. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
29. Love is a hole in the heart.
30. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
32. Do it only with the best.
33. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
34. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
35. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
36. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
37. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
38. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
39. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
40. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
41. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
42. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
44. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
45. Never say no.
46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
47. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
48. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
50. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
51. Love comes in spurts.
52. The world does not revolve on an axis.
53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
55. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
56. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
59. "This won't hurt, I promise."